Goal achievement seems to be more about avoiding situations that are tempting, rather than fighting them with willpower. But of course, we all experience temptation and we’re never gonna stop experiencing temptation, so the question becomes…
What do we make of the fact that we our long-term goals and conflict with our short-term temptations? As always, the founder of humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers, has a starting answer:
Coaches can’t motivate their clients, yet we often act like we can. Because we don’t set appropriate relationship boundaries, we end up holding ourselves accountable to motivating our clients. And this sets them up for failure in the long run.
So we need to understand how to avoid The Motivator Trap. Otherwise, we prevent clients from appreciating and using our expert advice.
When you know you need to make a change, the number of choices and “should”s in the world can be overwhelming. It can be hard to know what exactly to try next. Let’s talk about the top five things you should be working on. But…
June is going to be a huge month for habit-based coaching.
I started Habitry, Co. with Vanessa Naylon in September of 2014 with a mission to "help the most people help the most people." We wanted to create a space where coaches of all kinds could come together and talk about working with clients to help them change their behavior. A community not about what clients should do (which is why you’ll never see programming or nutrition advice from us), but about how to get clients to actually do it.
We’ve helped a lot of coaches learn more about helping their clients actually take their advice, but what you’ve seen from us in the last 9 months has been the tip of a deep iceberg. How deep is this iceberg? Well…
I was working 40 or so contact hours a week (for the non-trainers out there, that means 50–60 hours a week), plus running 2 other online coaching businesses, plus I have a girlfriend and 3 year old son.
In 1963, Jean Nidetch was desperate. She wasn’t desperate to lose weight. In fact, she had lost 20lbs over the previous year. No Jean Nidetch was desperate to keep the weight off. So she invited 6 friends over to her house to talk about it. Not to talk about solutions. Or fads. Or calories. Just to meet in a safe space and vent about their problems. The solutions would come later. And when the 6 women in that room decided to go on a diet, they pledged to keep each other accountable.
Many clients come to us thinking they know what they need to change their behavior, but they often have no clue what works and what doesn’t, at least for the long haul. It can feel like toddlers asking if they can have ice cream and gummy bears for dinner. And like toddlers, our clients can be relentless when they think there is an easier or faster way to get what they want.
There are lots of little things that we can do to set the conditions in which clients will slowly learn that reasonableness is not only the better path, but the faster one in the long run. And the first one starts with knowing who they want to be.
After 3 years of daily ethics training, I'll tell you that ethics is rarely cut and dry. But that doesn't mean we should be lenient, attempt to draft clear standards, or call people the fuck out when they are acting outside how we interpret our professional scope.